


Broken Bonds

by alvahana



Category: Persona 5, Persona 5 Royal, Persona Series
Genre: Akira is a mess, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Emotional Hurt, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Persona 5 Protagonist Needs a Hug, Persona 5: The Royal Spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-16 12:14:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29332134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alvahana/pseuds/alvahana
Summary: Deep down, the Thieves know they screwed up. They have violated Akira’s trust.A different take on the events happening in January, focusing on the leader's relationship with the rest of the Thieves if they snap out of the fake world a week later than they do in canon.
Comments: 22
Kudos: 144





	1. Chapter 1

Deep down, the Thieves know they screwed up. They have violated Akira’s trust. 

It hasn’t even been that long since each of them made a vow to their leader, promising to fight alongside him and stand by his side no matter what. And together, the Phantom Thieves of Hearts have uncovered the twisted game of a malevolent god, defeated him and saved the humanity from ruins. 

Things have returned to normal soon after, even taken a turn for the better since the New Year. It was like all the bad thoughts and uncertainties of life have vanished along with the Metaverse. But of course, nothing is ever that simple. 

In retrospect, the Thieves know they should’ve been able to snap out of the fake reality sooner than they did. It wasn’t like they were dump enough to not sense something wasn’t right in the past two weeks. The entire world has felt like a giant scam, everything too good to be true. 

Be that as it might, they have chosen to ignore this nagging feeling resting deep inside their mind, and willingly let themselves be swamped in the false blissfulness Dr. Maruki tailor made for them. Akira has checked up on them one by one during those first few days, carefully nudging them towards remembering what was real and what wasn’t. But they all opted to run from the truth, ignoring his silent plead for them to come back to their rebellious spirits. They have betrayed the bond with their leader, essentially erasing all the memories created together by the Phantom Thieves over the past year. 

In the end, it took them nearly two weeks to come out of this stupor, barely in time to join Akira, Akechi and Sumire in the battle against Scathach and Cu Chulainn. Once the fight was over, the trio has explained the whole situation to them, including Sumire’s true self and what has been learned out about Dr. Maruki so far. And with no way of moving forward with the Palace, the group of ten decided to retreat and regroup. 

Which is why at the moment, they are all standing outside the stadium construction site in Odaiba. Akechi and Sumire have already left for the day, saying they would be in touch soon to discuss their next step. The rest of them should probably dismiss as well, especially considering how worn out Akira looks -- his shoulders hunched, his eye bags dark and swollen. It is obvious the past weeks have taken a tow on him, both physically and mentally. 

Still, the Thieves can’t bring themselves to leave just yet. Glancing at each other, they know they all echo similar sentiments -- they need to have a talk with their leader. They owe him at least an apology. 

“Er…Akira, you got time for a chat…?” Ryuji ventures after some hesitation. 

“…There is something we want to talk to you about,” Makoto follows to back him up, but her tone is just as unsure. 

Akira seems to know what is on their mind. Shaking his head slowly, he says in a soft voice, “No apologies needed, and there’s no need to explain yourself either. I don’t blame any of you. You were just under Maruki’s influence.” 

Hearing his forgiving words should have been enough, yet none of them feel any better. Because the way Akira regards them is somehow different. His smile is too reserved, lacking the warmth that was once reserved for them, and he is looking at them like they are merely acquaintances instead of friends who have been through thick and thin; it reminds Ryuji and Ann of when they first met him back in April. Polite, indifferent, almost guarded. 

Before they can say anything further, Akira turns to address the feline companion, “Morgana, do you mind staying with Futaba or Haru for a couple of nights?” At the cat’s questioning look, he explains, “I need some time on my own…to think.” 

Morgana looks hurt at the request, but knows better than to push, so he agrees reluctantly, “If that’s want you want…But I’d prefer Futaba’s place, I want to stay close in case you need me.” 

The leader nods in a courteous manner. Futaba crouches down to pick up the cat with both arms without saying a word. 

“In the meantime,” Akira continues. “I’ll add Akechi and Sumire into our group chat so we can discuss our next step. See you guys later then.” Without waiting for their response, he turns to walk away. Some of the Thieves want to call after the departing leader, but he quickly disappears around the corner leaving them behind. 

After a moment of silence, Yusuke speaks up, “Is it just my imagination, or does it feel like he is avoiding us?” 

Makoto nods, her brows knitted in unease, “I feel that too...I thought I was being paranoid.” 

“Maybe he’s just tired, not in the mood for chit-chats?” Haru offers, but she too knows it’s more than that. 

“I don’t think so…” Morgana’s ears are flattened back. “He won't even let me stay with him. This has never happened before...” 

Ann adds hesitantly, “It almost seems like…like he doesn't want to spend time with us at all...” 

Futaba tightens her hug around the feline, looking small. “Is he…mad at us? For not coming around sooner...?” 

No one wants to be the one to answer that question. The silence stretched on for a while as guilt wrecks each of them. Ryuji groans in frustration, kicking a small pebble off the ground. In the end, it is Makoto who speaks up, “Let's try to talk to him again tomorrow, maybe he'll be willing to listen to us by then.” 


	2. Chapter 2

That night, Akira adds both Akechi and Sumire into their group chat as promised. With the only path forward blocked by a tangled web of wires, they all agree it is pointless to go back into Maruki’s Palace for the time being and better to check out the Mementos instead to look for clues. Akira suggests to wait for another day so he can stop by Untouchable to upgrade their weapons and gear. Apparently their healing items are also running low, so a visit to Dr. Takemi’s clinic would be in order as well. 

**Ryuji** : hey akira u need a hand with the shopping? 

**Ryuji** : I can go with u tmr afternoon 

**Ann** : Count me in! 

**Ann** : Maybe we can hang out in Shibuya afterwards? 

**Akira** : No it's fine 

**Akira** : I can handle it myself, thanks 

**Ann** : oh... 

**Ryuji** : ...ok 

**Futaba** : can Mona and I come over when you get back then? 

**Futaba** : got some new Featherman clips I want to show you *v* 

_Akira is typing…_

**Akira** : Sorry Futaba 

**Akira** : Need to craft more infiltration tools for the Mementos run 

The conversation dies down soon after Akira rejected both invitations, their suspicion of the leader avoiding them growing even stronger. The youngest girl wastes no time to create a separate group chat that leaves out the leader, Akechi and Sumire. 

**Futaba** : he’s definitely mad at us!!! 

**Futaba** : he must hate us so much right now 

**Futaba** : must hate ME the most… 

**Haru** : Calm down, Futaba-chan! I’m sure Akira-kun doesn’t think that way… 

**Futaba** : :( 

**Ryuji** : ahhhhh i wanna barge into his place right now n scream sorrys to the guy!! 

**Ann** : Don’t! You’ll just annoy him and make things worse! 

**Ryuji** : then whaddya suggest we do... 

**Ryuji** : cant just sit here n do nothing while he’s pissed at us 

**Ann** : I don’t know… 

**Haru** : Maybe stop pushing him for the time being…? 

**Makoto** : Haru’s right, it’s been a long day and it’s getting late. We should let him rest. 

**Makoto** : He may come around in his own time. 

**Yusuke** : I agree. A good night’s sleep and a full meal shall do wonders on one’s mental state. I’m quite optimistic that he will be in better mood to listen to us tomorrow. 

**Makoto** : Yes, let’s wait until tomorrow to try again. 

Makoto figures Akira may be more open to talk in private than in the group chat, so when the morning comes, she ventures to send him a direct message. 

**Makoto** : Morning, Akira. Sorry if I woke you.

 **Makoto** : You left in a hurry yesterday, so I just want to make sure you’re alright. 

No reply comes. She waits for another hour before sending out more texts in case Akira is still asleep. 

**Makoto** : If you don’t mind, we’d like to come by LeBlance later today. There’s something we want to discuss with you. 

**Makoto** : It’s really important.

 **Makoto** : Let me know when you're free?

By noon there is still no response from Akira. Opening the chat app Makoto notices he hasn’t even read her messages yet, which isn’t like him at all; the leader is always among the first to read and reply whenever there is a new notification in the group chat. Clicking onto his icon she discovers his ‘last seen’ time was around three in the morning. She relays this to the others in their separate chat, and Yusuke says Akira hasn’t respond to his texts either. Find it odd and fearing that something might have happened to their friend overnight, they decide to head to LeBlanc right away to check up on him. 

——   


“Good afternoon, Boss,” Makoto greets Sojiro as the Thieves walk into the café an hour later. “Is Akira around…?” 

A glance at their similarly worried faces tells Sojiro something is bothering them, but he decides this isn’t the time to ask, so he nods curtly before turning towards the general direction of the attic and calls out, “Hey kid! Your friends are here to see you.” 

They can hear some rustling and footsteps before seeing Akira, his hair tousled and shirt wrinkled, skitter down the stairs. “…What’re you guys doing here?” He asks, surprised and a bit cautious. “Did something happen?” 

“No, um...we just wanted to see you,” Makoto says, a little sheepishly. 

“Apologies for not asking your permission before coming here, but you didn’t respond to our messages earlier this morning,” Yusuke explains. “We were concerned.” 

“...Sorry, I wasn’t feeling well when I woke up. Had been taking naps and didn’t check my phone.” The ravenette indeed looks under the weather, his face slightly pale and drawn, making his dark circles even more prominent than the previous day. 

“Oh, we didn’t know, Akira-kun,” Haru says, clasping her hands in front of her chest in concern. “Should we…leave and let you rest? We can come back later.” 

“It’s fine, I need to head out soon anyway.” Akira gives them a polite smile, yet makes no movement to invite them up to his room. 

Seeing no one is going to move, Sojiro sighs, “Why don't you kids go upstairs? Can’t have you all standing around scaring my customers away.” 

“Sorry Boss,” mutters Akira before gesturing at them to follow him, and the Thieves trudge up the stairs in silence. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story got longer than I originally planned so I decided to split it up and add another chapter. This chapter is a little on the short side, but I promise the next one will contain the long-awaited angsty talk!


	3. Chapter 3

Akira walks toward his bed and sits on the edge of his mattress. The Thieves take that as a cue to settle down on their usual spots: Morgana leaps onto the desk as soon as Futaba claims the chair; Makoto, Haru and Ann take the couch; Yusuke leans against the wall; and Ryuji hovers near the stairway, hands in his jacket pockets. 

For a while, none of them says anything. Akira breaks the silence eventually, “Guys, there’s no need to worry. I’ll go upgrade your equipment and stock up more meds tonight, then we can head into Mementos tomorrow.” 

“Nonono,” Ann hurries to clarify. “That's not what’s bugging us...” 

Akira tilts his head, puzzled. “Then what is it?” 

The blonde exchanges glances with the others. “We’re...worried about you, Akira.” 

Makoto figures they may as well rip the bandage off before losing resolution, so upon taking a deep breath, she begins, “Can we talk about the past two weeks...please?” The leader hesitates for a moment before nodding, and she continues, “We owe you an apology. Every one of us. For brushing you off when you reached out to us, and for not snapping out of the situation sooner than we did...” Her voice trails away, “We know we let you down...” 

Ann picks up, “We promised to be there for you whenever you needed us, but then went back on our words…even after the eight of us went through what we did last year...” she says, guilt seeped into her voice. 

“...It feels like we’ve betrayed the bond we built up together,” Haru says in a similarly rueful tone. 

Morgana joins in, “Yeah...I can’t believe how easily I fell right into Maruki’s hands when I’m supposed to be your guide. What I did was so lame...” 

“We all were...” says Ryuji, a hand rubbing the back of his head, “That was some shitty things to do to a friend, so er...we’re really sorry, man.” 

Akira regards each of them, then shakes his head slowly. “It’s okay. I already told you, there’s no need to apologize,” he tells them in a calm tone. “I mean it when I said I'm not mad.” 

“But why wouldn’t you be!?” Yusuke bursts. “Akira, we have spat on everything you did to help us find our paths. You of all people deserve to shame us, but still you say it’s okay!?” 

The leader gives him a soft smile with a hint of melancholy. “Why would I blame you? You all have legitimate reasons to want to stay inside the happy bubbles. Besides, you guys came in the end. That’s what matters, right?” 

Futaba, who’ve been quiet the whole time, speaks up in a small voice, “I-If you’re not mad, then why…why’re you avoiding us? It's like you don't want to spend time with us anymore...!” 

The leader’s expression falters, averting his eyes to the floor. “No, no it's not that—” 

“Then what is it…?” Morgana prompts. “Akira, just tell us what’s on your mind.” 

“I just...don’t want to get in your way…” 

“Get in our way? What do you mean?” Makoto asks.

“You...” he seems to be having a hard time saying it. “You should go hang around with your friends and families while there’s still time…because you know…after we defeat Maruki, after his Palace's gone, you won’t be able to anymore…” 

“But we already know they ain't real people,” Ryuji says. “Nothin’ in this shitty dream’s real!” 

Haru agrees, “Ryuji-kun’s right, they are just puppets made up by Dr. Maruki, and they’ll be gone once we defeat him.” 

“…But the happiness you felt when you were with them was real.” The leader barely looks at them. “If I didn’t try to wake you up, you’d still be spending time with them, and you could create more precious memories together. I...I'm the one responsible for taking them away from you.” 

“No, Akira, that twisted doctor was manipulating our minds and emotions,” Yusuke says firmly. “If anything, you helped us see through his sickening lies!” 

“Yeah, we’d still be in the dark if you didn’t track us down and confront us. It’s only thanks to you that we managed to snap out of our dreams,” Ann follows, hoping to convey they have nothing but gratitude to the leader’s action. 

Akira meets her gaze, but his eyes are clouded with remorse. “...Maybe I shouldn’t have,” he says, guilt-stricken. “Ann, if I didn’t, Shiho’d still be studying in Shujin without having to go through that awful ordeal. Ryuji, you'd be chasing your dream as the star runner of the track team. Yusuke, Madarame’d always have been a great teacher, even like a real father to you. Morgana, you’d be a human and free to do whatever you want. And Futaba's mom, Haru's dad, Makoto's dad would all be alive again...Who gives me the right to take them away from you...?” he trails off, his eyes downcast again. “The truth is, I…I’ve been thinking a lot about Maruki’s deal...maybe it won’t be so bad to take it...” 

“What are you even talking about, Akira!?” Morgana yelps, his back arched and fur all puffed-up. “Tell me you’re not serious!” 

“Y-you can’t possibly be considering that...” Makoto says in disbelief. 

“I don’t know...” Akira says, his expression pained. “In the dream world, you all seemed so...happy, and contented. Even more so than you’d been before.” 

Futaba cries out, “No! That’s no true!” The girl gets up and takes a step closer to her brother figure. “We were happy and contented even without that creepy doctor meddling in our minds!” 

“...Were you really?” Akira asks quietly. 

“Of course!” Futaba says. “Finding you guys and becoming a part of the Phantom Thieves were the best things that happened to me in a long while, and I won’t to trade those memories for anything else!” 

“Me too!” Haru also stands up from the couch. “I won’t lie and say last year’s been easy; there were a lot of bumps in the road, but I’d like to believe we came out stronger than we did, and I’m really proud of us!” 

The rest of the Thieves nods in agreement, resolution on their faces, yet the distressed look on Akira remains. 

“If that’s true, if you’re truly satisfied with how things used to be...then why did you—” he cuts himself off abruptly, but they can already guess what he’s trying to say: _Why did you choose the fake reality over our time together?_ Before they can say anything, Akira lets out a sigh and continues, “Lavenza said Maruki’s ability to warp the world’s cognition comes from our collective desires, and he said the dream world is indeed tailor made according to our individual wish.” 

"But that’s not possible!” Ryuji protests. “How'd he even know what we really want? We’ve never told that guy anythin’ like that!” 

“We did actually,” Akira says. “...at least some of us did.” 

Realization dawns on Makoto. “Those counseling sessions at school...!” 

The leader nods. “We told him our deepest desires during those sessions, and he twisted our cognition based on them...I'm not sure how he learns about Futaba’s, Yusuke’s or Morgana’s, or other people’s, probably has something to do with Mementos...but my point is, he’s only able to do this because we _want_ it to happen. This new reality is what makes us _truly_ happy and contented.” 

“B-But even if this is what we’ve wished for, it still doesn’t mean it’s right!” Makoto refutes. “Accepting it would mean erasing all the pain and struggles we’ve gone through to grow as a person, it’d be reverting ourselves back to the versions we hate.” 

“I don’t want to go back to how weak I used to be!” Futaba says with determination. 

Yusuke nods, “From now on, we will be stronger, for ourselves and for you.” 

“Yeah, we’re going to be the one to protect you!” Morgana says. 

Haru agrees, “We’ll be there for you when you need us, just like you did for us.” 

“So screw Maruki and his deal!” Ryuji barks. “We are stronger than this! _You_ are stronger than this, Akira!” 

The Thieves expects their leader to lighten up a bit at their reassurance, yet he tips his head downwards, his expression crumbling further. “...What if I'm not as strong as you think I am?” Akira asks with a wry chuckle. “You all make me sound like this saint, this perfect, fearless leader...but I...I’m just a wreck, a hypocrite.” 

“No, you’re not--” Ann starts, but he cuts her off. “I wasn’t lying when I said I’m not mad at you. I fully understand your reluctance of coming out of the false happiness, because deep down, I know I’m just the same way. Hell, I’d probably still be swamped in the warped world if Lavenza didn’t come into my dream to snap me out of it, and the reason I wanted to break this reality wasn't because of some noble cause of saving humanity, I...” he pauses to let out a shaky breath. “...I-I just wanted to have you guys back. The real you, who remember what we’ve been through last year, not the oblivious versions who won’t even bat an eye on me.” 

“Akira...” 

He rambles on, “But when I reached out each of you two weeks ago, I could see even without me, without those memories we created together, your smile was just as heartfelt as before, if not more so. That’s when I realized: I might not be as important to you guys as you are to me...The truth is, your perfect world has no place for me,” he says, his grey eyes now fogged with unshed tears. “So, even if the world returns to the way it was, who’s to say I won’t be forgotten in the end? It hasn’t even been a full year since I met any of you, and I’ll be leaving Tokyo in two months. We might still be in contact for the first few weeks after I left, but I know you’ll get sick of me eventually, and I'll just become another old acquaintance to you guys...” 

Akira tries to blink back his tears, but a drop escapes and slides down his face before he can wipe it off with his sleeve. Their chests go painfully tight at the sight of their hurting friend, and they want to say something to console him, yet the ravenette continues before they can, “But in the fake world, even if you don’t remember our shared memories, at least I get to stay in Tokyo, at least I still get to see you every now and then...” Another sad, watery chuckle. “Or maybe not...with your friends and family around you guys probably won’t have time to hang out with me anymore...well, at least I still got Akechi and Sumire...” 

Akira draws in several breaths trying to calm himself, then starts again in a self-loathing tone. “So, this is what I've been thinking about for the past week. You see...? Every choice I made is based on my own desire. I'm not as perfect as you think I am... I'm selfish, weak and pathetic...I’m a total mess who doesn’t deserve to be your leader...!” 

Futaba, crying as well, takes a couple of trembling steps forwards. “N-No...Akira, you’re not weak, or selfish, or pathetic...and we won’t ever forget you. You’re important to us too!” 

“Don’t...” Akira shakes his head ruefully. “D-don’t patronize me…” 

“I’m not—” 

“I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’m not the priority in your lives, but please…I can’t stand you pretending it’s otherwise for my sake. Just...p-please just don’t lie to me…!” 

“N-No…I'm not lying...” Futaba says. 

Another tear trickles down Akira’s cheek as he asks, “Futaba...would you say I’m more important than your Mom, or Sojiro?” Caught off-guard by the question, the girl is at a loss of words. 

They see obvious hurt before Akira lowers his head, letting his bangs conceal his eyes. “I-I need some air...Excuse me.” He stands up from his bed and walks towards the stairs. 

“Akira, please,” Makoto calls after him. “Listen to us...” 

“Don’t push us away...” Ann pleads. 

Ryuji reaches out his hand, but Akira flinches and backs away. “Sorry, I-I can't...please leave me alone...” 

And they can only watch him go. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear angsty fic, since you won't stop bugging my brain as of late, I have given up on the whole one-shot thing and decided to make you into a multi-chapter story. Are you happy now?


	4. Chapter 4

The Thieves consider going after Akira following his abrupt departure, but fearing that may drive him further away, they decide against it in the end.

“I think it’s better to let him be for now, at least until we figure out how to convince him to count on us again,” Morgana says. The others agree dejectedly, and conclude instead of flooding his chat app with their messages right away, it would be best for only one of them to check in with him in a few hours. Makoto volunteers to do it, and waits until she arrives home to send out a text to the leader.

**Makoto** : Akira, I know you’re probably not in the mood to talk right now, but I want to tell you we are very sorry for upsetting you earlier.

Much to her surprise, it doesn’t take long before her phone chimes with an incoming message.

**Akira** : It’s not your fault

 **Akira** : Sorry for my outburst. I wasn’t thinking straight

 **Makoto** : You have nothing to apologize for. You were just being honest with us.

 **Akira** : What I said about Maruki’s deal, I didn’t really mean it

 **Akira** : I’ll come along with you guys if you all decide to take him down

 **Akira** : But can you keep our earlier conversation between us? I don’t want Akechi and Sumire to worry I’m having second thoughts after dragging them through half the palace

 **Makoto** : Of course, we won’t say anything to them.

 **Akira** : Thanks

 **Makoto** : Hey Akira?

 **Akira** : ?

 **Makoto** : I don’t want to sound pushy, but do you think you can give us one more chance to explain ourselves? I believe there is some misunderstanding we must clarify.

 **Makoto** : I don’t mean right away, after some time perhaps…

 **Makoto** : And please believe us, we really care about you a lot.

_Akira is typing…_

**Akira** : Ok

 **Akira** : Thank you, Makoto

Shortly afterwards, the leader speaks up in the group chat, saying he has acquired everything they need for the Mementos trip and can head there if everyone is up to it. Akechi and Sumire reply almost at once, seemingly eager to find out whatever mystery the place holds, and the rest of the Thieves concur in going in tomorrow.

——

To their chagrin, Akira doesn’t look any better the next day.

When the leader shows up at the meeting spot outside Shibuya Station, they immediately notice how weary he seems – his posture is slumped more than usual while his grey eyes are darker, lacking that bright, warm gleam. The only improvement is his hair, somewhat more tamed than when they saw him yesterday.

“You look awful.” Akechi takes a glance at Akira and frowns. “Did you sleep at all?”

“Good morning to you too, Akechi,” Akira diverts with a quip. From the look on Akechi’s face, he isn’t fooled in the slightest.

“Are you not feeling well, Akira-senpai?” Sumire asks, obviously worried.

“I’m okay,” Akira manages a faint smile, then changes the subject to shut down further discussion regarding the matter, “If everyone’s ready, let’s get going.”

The group of ten finds a spot with less pedestrians and activate the MetaNav when they are sure no one is paying them attention. Once inside Mementos, the Thieves start explaining the general idea of the place to Sumire since this is her first trip. Akira remains mostly silent, letting them handle the talking. The gang then decide on skipping all floors and drive straight down to the bottom area where they fought the Holy Grail. Morgana takes his bus form, and knowing it will be a long drive, Makoto offers to take the wheel so Akira can get some shuteye. She expects the leader to refuse, yet he simply nods and thank her before climbing into the last row with Sumire and Akechi.

The drive down is thankfully smooth and uninterrupted, either because the Shadows are weaklings who run away at the sight of them or Makoto is able to maneuver Mona-bus around to avoid engaging in battle. This, however, also means the nine teenagers are cramped up inside the mobile with no way to _not_ talk to each other. The Thieves, particularly Ryuji, Ann and Futaba, try to make small talks, hoping to lighten up the gloomy mood lingering as a result of yesterday’s event. Despite their effort, Akira barely speaks up and mostly just looks out of the window with a pensive expression, so halfway through the ride they give up coaxing him into chitchat and resort to teaching Sumire more about Mementos. If the red-hair girl and Akechi have noticed the uncomfortable tension reverberating inside the bus, they didn’t say anything about it.

They make it to the lowest floor without a hitch, and upon some exploration, discover a hidden path that leads to a whole new area. The uncharted territory, as it turns out, looks just like Maruki’s Palace – overly bright, bleached white, full of tentacle-like cables, which is a sharp contrast with the dreary, dimly-lit Mementos they know. Another obvious difference is the Shadows; those in the new zone are considerably stronger than the ones they encounter before that fights become inevitable even with Makoto’s adept driving skill.

And that is when the Thieves notice the nuance in Akira’s action. Fighting alongside Ann, Yusuke and Akechi, the leader is moving in a way devoid of the carefree, confident demeanor he used to have in the Metaverse. His movement is almost sluggish, like his feet are being dragged down by invisible boulders. Even with Futaba’s analysis, Akira makes his first wrong move in the second battle by using a lightning spell on a Shadow resistant to the element. More similar mistake follow after that. Not fatal ones, but they are frequent enough to alarm anyone who is paying attention, especially the backup team members.

“Doesn’t Joker-senpai seem a bit strange…?” Sumire says in an uncertain voice. Even though the others are thinking about the same thing, they aren’t sure what to reply except matching her worried expression.

Apparently Akechi is watching him closely as well. As soon as he ends the fourth battle with a Megidola after Akira got hit with a melee attack he should have been able to dodge easily, Akechi stops Akira on his tracks by grabbing his arm.

“Joker, what’s gotten into you,” he demands.

“Nothing,” Akira answers curtly, shrugging off his hand, but makes no move to step away.

Akechi narrows his eyes and regards the other with a piercing glare for a while. “Get it together before you get yourself killed,” he says finally, his tone unexpectedly gentle despite the harsh words.

Makoto walks up to the leader. “Joker, shall we switch?” she offers, “I can cover for you so you can take a break.”

“That’s not necessary,” he insists. “I’m fine.” They have lost count of how many times he’d repeated those words in the past two days, but seeing Akira being so uncharacteristically stubborn, they don’t dare further pursuing the matter. So Morgana steps up to heal the leader while Ann and Yusuke exchange a concerned look with each other, quietly reminding themselves to pay extra attention to watch his back in the next combats.

Akira seems to be more alert and careful after that, though he still takes hit a couple more times before reaching the end of the new zone. There they find some sort of control room with numerous surveillance screens, and they figure this is probably where Maruki uses to find the wishes of people he hasn't gotten to yet. This also seems to be the origin of all the cables spreading across Mementos and Maruki’s Palace, so Futaba begins to hack into the central system and do her thing.

“Done and done!” the navigator announces cheerfully after successfully retracting a section of wires that link to the barricade in Maruki’s Palace. “Now we should be able to get through the rest of creepy doc’s Palace!”

Having accomplished what they came here to do, the Thieves all agree to call it a day and head back, with their morale much higher than when they first entered Mementos.

The good mood, unfortunately, doesn’t last long.

It happens during the second battle they got in on their way up. The previous active members are now replaced by Ryuji, Haru and Sumire, still with Akira leading the team. This group of Shadows they are facing aren’t particularly strong, but the weaker one fires off an ailment spell when the Thieves aren’t looking, hitting Akira from his blind spot. Immediately his legs give out and he collapses on to the floor.

“Joker!” Ryuji calls, his attempt to rush across the battlefield to his friend’s aid shut down by the Shadows standing in between. “Shit!”

“Somebody cure Joker! He’s been hit with Sleep!” Futaba’s voice comes from above, and Haru wastes no time to cast Amrita Drop on the afflicted leader. Yet he doesn’t stir. His eyelids remain closed as he lies on his side. Seeing Akira is unlikely to awake soon, Akechi jumps in to take his place, while Yusuke and Makoto rush in to drag him away.

With Akira out of harm’s way, they refocus on taking down the enemies first, and it takes another while for the four of them to finish off with an all-out attack. As soon as the Shadows vanish into black mist, Ryuji jogs back to the reserve team, “Hey, is he okay?”

As he approaches, though, he can see Akira is lying unconscious on his back on the floor, surrounded by Makoto, Ann, Futaba, Yusuke and Morgana. He doesn’t need to look at their distressed expressions to tell something is seriously wrong.

“What’s goin’ on…?” Ryuji asks even if the answer is plain obvious.

“…Joker won’t wake up…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you think? ;)


	5. Chapter 5

“Whaddya mean he won’t wake up…?” Ryuji asks, unaware of the nervous tapping of his foot speeding up. “I thought Noir cast Amrita Drop on Joker when that Shadow got him with Sleep spell.”

Haru nods, “I did. But for whatever reason my cure didn’t seem to work.”

“It did work actually, Noir,” Futaba corrects her. “I scanned him right after that and it showed he’s clear of any ailment, even though he didn’t come to.”

“Could Joker-senpai be hurt somewhere else?” Sumire asks anxiously. ”His head perhaps…?”

“I don’t think so,” Morgana says. “There’s no wounds or blood, and just to be safe I’ve cast a Dia on him. Still no response.”

With his hand under his chin, Yusuke hums thoughtfully, “So our leader is not physically hurt or under any mental influence. Even with extreme exhaustion he should have shown certain reaction, if not awake by now…What could possibly prevent him from rousing?”

Ryuji groans, running his hand through his hair in frustration. “Oracle, you could’ve missed somethin’ on your last scan. Give him another one, will ya?”

“Hmmm but I just did,” Futaba says. “Nothing unusual came up. Both his HP and SP are within the normal range too. I don’t think more scans will make a difference--”

“Ahhhh!” Ryuji suddenly howls. “Then why the hell ain’t he _wakin’ up_!?

“I-I don’t know…!” The young girl shrinks.

“Don’t raise your voice, Skull!” Ann hisses out. “You’re scaring Oracle!” Yet her high-pitched voice is nearly as loud as Ryuji’s.

“Everyone calm down!” Makoto says, stepping between them and putting her hands up. “Let’s take a deep breath first. It won’t help Akira if we begin to panic.” The Thieves all do as they are told to calm their nerves. Except for Akechi, who has his arms crossed in front of his chest this whole time, seemingly deep in thought.

Ryuji visibly deflates. “Er, sorry, Oracle,” he starts guiltily after a beat. “I shouldn’t have yelled at you…” Futaba shakes her head, looking small and worried. The bleached-blonde then crouches down, takes off Akira’s mask and nudges his shoulder lightly, “Hey Joker? Com’on man, wake up. This ain’t funny at all…!” He repeats the motion several times. The leader doesn’t stir in the slightest, his even breathing and peaceful expression remain despite the jostle.

None of them know what to say or do next. Then suddenly, Futaba’s goggles start beeping and glowing red. “Hold on, I’m picking up some weird readings from nearby--“ She pulls up a virtual panel and starts typing on it rapidly. “Guys, something’s approaching us fast!”

Morgana perks up his ears in alert. “I can sense it too!”

“Is it the Reaper!?” Makoto is already poising herself for fights, so are Ann and Yusuke.

“Shit, not _now_!” Ryuji curses out loud, then quickly props up Akira’s upper body protectively with one arm, his other hand reaching for his shotgun.

“Nonono the signal’s different. It’s almost like…” the navigator hesitates. “…Like Joker’s.”

And it is at that moment that Haru lets out a loud gasp, her hand covering her mouth while staring straight ahead. They follow her gaze to what’s grabbing her full attention and rendering her speechless.

“A-Akira…?”

Standing at the far end of the tunnel is none other than their leader…No, he can’t be the real Akira. Because their Akira is still lying unconscious in Ryuji’s arm, and the one standing there is wearing Shujin’s winter uniform instead of Joker’s Meterverse outfit. Not to mention the eyes gazing back at them are glowing in bright yellow.

“It’s…Akira’s Shadow…!” Makoto comes to the only possible explanation.

“Hey there, Phantom Thieves,” Shadow Akira greets them. His voice is even, his expression neutral, devoid of any hysteric or malice other Shadows possess. They aren’t sure how to respond except to continue staring.

“I-It can’t b-be!” Ann manages to splutter. “It’s impossible for a Persona user to manifest a Shadow self!”

“Not entirely impossible,” Akechi finally speaks up, ever so calmly. “Maruki is a living proof of that.”

“Hmm, interesting,” Shadow Akira tilts his head at Akechi, “You’re the only one who doesn’t seem surprised I show up in here.” The latter only gives a non-committal hum.

“Wait, Crow, you _knew_ Akira has a Shadow and didn’t say anything!?” Morgana scowls.

“I had my suspicion,” Akechi says, unfazed by the feline’s accusing tone. “As soon as he started acting up I checked his name with MetaNav. No match came up, so I figured he might not be warped enough to develop a Palace of his own. The logical deduction would be having a Shadow in Mementos.”

“Wha-What? You’re sayin’ he has a distorted heart…?” Ryuji’s voice wavers, his eyes wide. “But…it’s Akira we’re talkin’ about!”

“Quit your self-deceit, Sakomoto. As dense as you might seem, I’m sure by now even you have noticed something is not right with your leader. From what I can tell, he hasn’t been himself since he went to see each of you.“

The entirety of Ryuji's posture falls at the words. He lowers his gaze to Akira’s unconscious form, his grip on his friend’s shoulder tightening. “Akira…”

Seeing Ryuji’s distress, Yusuke answers for him, “We are aware that he is hurting, but not before our conversation with him yesterday…We should have realized his internal struggle sooner.” His brows tightly knit together, remorse dripping from his tone. The same emotion courses through the rest of the Thieves, especially Futaba. She thinks back on how she felt when she was trapped in her own mind before the others came to rescue her, and the idea of Akira might be going through similar turmoil right now brings a tight knot to her stomach.

It is Shadow Akira’s voice that brings them out of their thoughts. “Just as Akechi said, Akira’s been struggling since he woke up from Maruki’s fake dream. At first he was convinced refusing the deal and bringing back the reality would be the right choice, but after seeing how happy his friends are without him, he started to question himself. His doubt and indecision about whether to accept Maruki’s offer bring him immense self-reproach and turmoil, hence my existence.”

“B-But Senpai is stronger than that!” Sumire speaks up firmly. “He’s been helping me stand up against Maruki-sensei in the past two weeks! He’s the one who encourages me to face the past I’d been running from and find my true self!”

“You may not know it, Sumire,” the Cognition says softly, with a hint of sadness in his yellow eyes. “But your Senpai is incredibly good at bottling things up, especially when his friend is in need of his support. However confident he might look on the outside, the truth is, he’s been hiding his own pain and doubt, and there’s only so much he can take before the weight crushes his soul.”

Crestfallen, the girl bites her lower lip, letting her gaze stray to Akira. After a moment, she regains her composure and says, “Then I won’t let Senpai suffer alone anymore. After everything he’s done to help me, it’s now my turn to return the favor!

“Yea, we all wanna help him!” Ryuji echoes. “What do we need to do to wake him up? We’re up for anythin’!” The others nod in agreement, looking at the Shadow with hopefulness.

“Well, the good news is, his current condition is just the lingering effect of a Sleep spell. His will hasn’t been strong lately, and that makes him susceptible to status effects particularly in this part of Mementos. Once you bring him back to the old region away from Maruki’s influence, he should wake up shortly.”

Some of the Thieves let out a sigh of relief, but Makoto can sense there is a ‘but’ behind his explanation, so she points it out.

Shadow Akira nods. “That’s correct, Makoto. You still have one huge problem to solve, and that’s me.” A pause, then he continues, “I’m going to be honest with you. Depending on your action, there are only three ways how this could go. The first is the simplest: Forget what you see here and pretend I, Akira Kurusu’s Shadow, don’t exist.”

Akechi narrows his eyes in suspicion. “I’m guessing this won’t end well.”

“It won’t,” the Shadow says matter-of-factly. “If you choose to ignore what you see here, Akira’s mental and physical conditions will quickly deteriorate.”

“…What do you mean by deteriorate?” Ann is almost too afraid to ask.

“For starters, he’ll shut himself off from the outside world. In Metaverse, status spells will have greater effect on him as time goes by. And if he gets hit it’ll take more time for him to recover. He’ll get weaker, both in here and outside, until he can’t fight anymore.” Shadow Akira ignores the look of shock spreading on their faces, “Worst case scenario, he develops a Palace of his own and you have to tackle Maruki’s Palace on your own, which I doubt is ever possible without Akira’s power. If you try to steal Akira’s heart first, you probably won’t be able to defeat Maruki before the deadline. Either way, the Phantom Thieves lose, the fake reality replaces the real one, and Akira falls into an eternal slumber under Maruki’s influence...”

“Eternal slumber…? You can’t possibly mean--" Morgana asks.

“Yes, after the deadline, he will fall into sleep and won’t wake up again. Ever.”

Futaba drops to her knees by Akira’s side, clutching his coat sleeve in her tiny hands. “N-no, this can’t be happening…”

There it is again, a flicker of sorrow in those yellow eyes. “…I’m sorry, Futaba, but that’s the truth.”

Makoto kneels down and gently, gives her a hug from the side. “It’s alright, Futaba, that won’t happen. We’ll make sure of that.” The young girl nods with a sniff, and Makoto turns back to Shadow Akira. “What are the other two options?”

“The second choice is simple enough with a much more desirable outcome: Go back to the real world and support Akira in accepting Maruki’s deal -- this shouldn’t be hard considering he’s already under the sway of the crazy doc, so all you have to do is give him a nudge. If you succeed, the dead would stay alive, and not only can every one of you keep your dream, Akira also gets to stay in Tokyo with his dear friends. Everyone can live happily ever after. It’s not a bad ending at all, you have to admit.”

“But it isn’t right one,” Haru refutes. “We have decided we won’t run from our past anymore, however painful they are!”

“Yes, we refuse to let other people shape our own future for us, and we will help Akira realize that too!” Yusuke says in determination, and is met with rounds of agreement.

The Shadow nods solemnly, “Very well then, I guess that only leaves you with the last option, which is the hardest of three. I’m sure you can already guess what you need to do.”

Akechi says, “We go back to the real world, convince Akira to stand up against Maruki with his full will, then steal the doctor’s warped desire together.”

There is another nod. “If you’ve already made up your mind, then there’s nothing more I can tell you. Go ahead and bring him out of here. Do what you have to do, and do it quickly.” 

Before the Cognition turns around to leave, Akechi takes a step forward. “Wait, there is one more thing.” At Shadow Akira’s tilt of head, he continues, “…You are nothing like any Shadows we’ve come across so far.”

“Do you expect anything less from your rival, Detective?” The corner of his lips tugs up, reminding Akechi of Joker’s trademark smirk.

“But why would you tell us so much? If we do this right, you will no doubt disappear for good.”

That makes the Shadow pause. “I’m not sure either…” He says slowly after a while, and Akechi swears he sees the yellow eyes turn grey for a split second. “…I guess I just want him to be happy. He deserves it, don’t you think?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Geez, it's hard to write a scene with so many characters and much explanation to do. I hope I didn't mess this one up...
> 
> This story is nearing its end with one or two more chapters left, but writing angst is so mentally draining that I might need to take a small break from it. Maybe a fluffy one-shot in the meantime? I don't know :P


End file.
